Time Out Its Ok to Not Be Ok

Hello beautiful peeps am not sure if anyone reads these blogs or if I am having an impact but you know what I don't care I will keep on talking to you all in this web we are connected to..tonight if I reach out to a few then I am happy I feel like I have achieved something.

So me..Momma Parker... I am just a 51 year old woman who suffers from anxiety, panic attacks and OCD. I am quite open about it why should I hide it it is part of me. But I do know how it may touch each and everyone of you battling your own demons on a daily basis and trying to cope. Sometimes it takes me so much courage to get out of bed out of those four walls and go to work and act normal. 

And when someone tells me to suck it up god forbid. 

The silly idea that the car is going to break down on my way that everything from the engine to the tyres need repair and every noise it makes sends me into more anxiety.

The spontaneous request...hang on a minute I have gone through my routine last night over and over on exactly what I am going to so today please don't send that curve ball into the mix...anxiety through the roof again.

The biggest thing I have had to face today was the department Christmas do. I love my team to the moon and back they now I suffer and have always been gentle and kind even persuading me to walk five minutes up the road to the local asda for time out and some lunch...wow that was a biggie but I now out it in my memory bank of this bis routine and normal...just like the only way I can shop at the supermarkets up and down the sname isle in the same way

So it was decided the christmas do was Leeds..Leeds that is a city a really big city and on top of that I would have to face trains...trains OMG this is getting serious. I just want to stop at home put on my pjs and say no thankyou. But I love these people they are my friends they understand me because I have spoke about how I feel.

I suppose what I am tryng to say is that yes I have a really good job in a stressful environment and come across really confident but I am vulnerable and it is ok to admit that you are vulnerable. 

So my beautiful friend booked me train tickets...omg it was all online stuff I didnt ave a clue...she printed them off for me with that funny app bbox on them and said don't worry just get on the train.

It was ok going form barnsley to leeds as the train was going no further and barnsley is a bit behind the times but good grief at the other end it was a nightmare. but thanks to my beautiful friends meeting me off the train standing on that cold platform to greet me i felt I had come a long way.

The meal was lovely although yet again I panicked over  the ordering but my friend stepped in and helped me...she could see I wasn't coping but she never rolled her eyes she just accepted that even though came across all confidentthe anxiety demon was creeping in.

The food was lovely https://ginodacamporestaurants.com/myrestaurant/myrestaurants/leeds/

If you get this Gino your restaurant looked after someone out of the comfort zone battling with mental health and I coped so thankyou xxx

But then the clock  tocking and I was looking at my ticket knowing I needed to get to the station.... I feel like I was a party pooper but I needed to get there to know I was on my train getting away from all these people to the security of my hubby and family. 

I got there thanks to my beautiful friends taking the time to make sure If got on my train to the expense of them missing there's....

I arrived safely at the station to my lovely hubby picking me up and taking me home....I was exhausted but happy I had done it xxx

I suppose the purpose of this blog is talk about it you have nothing to be ashamed of let people close know and they will help you enjoy life  xx 

Loads of love Momma P here always


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